Jaded

I've always pride myself for being calm and cool at different situations... but guess wat?! I fucked up my practical exam today... made a complete, utter fool of myself in front of my manager and my lecturer... In fact, i've never felt so incompetent in my life. Half the time i was trying to maintain my composure, while the other half i was busily trying to prevent my "patient" from falling. And of course, i dropped my "patient"... thrice!?! how stupid can i get... I absolutely have no excuse of performing the way i did... Just because my patient inclines towards the heavier category doesn't give me the reason to drop her. My partner during labs is heavier than she is... My classmates says it's okay... But at risk of sounding neurotic,
IT'S NOT OKAY!!!

I'm just so pissed... piss at the fact that i let my frustration get the better of me. thank god it's only 25%... I have to work my ass off for the upcoming paper to pull up my grade... Piece of S***...

It's been a while since i last blogged... Been consumed with work, or should i say still am consumed with work. Presentations, projects, tests, exams, reports... anything you can think of that are involved in a tertiary education, i've done it. It's no wonder my friends are starting to think that i'm quite a bore... In fact, i agree with them. I AM A BORE... I just can't seem to get away from school, everything reminds me of the ridiculous amount of work i've yet to complete. Even when i'm out with my friends, when they asked me what i've been doing, i would be talking about school again and that never fails to make me feel guilty because i'm having fun instead of writing my 2000 words report on an Ax tool or an activity planned for therapy session. Look at me! I'm talking about school again. It's amazing how all these work can consumed one person. Talk about being controlled by the social institution one is in... I'm experiencing that right now...

What does it take to drive me to the edge of my limits nowadays? Not much. I get ticked off so easily, it makes me wonder if i'm having an extremely early onset of menopause. One moment i'm laughing and being all jolly, the next moment, i'm like a grouchy old grandmother... What the f#*k is wrong with me??? I'm this close to considering taking prozac...

4 more weeks of hell...