Jaded
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Embarking on a "Self-Improvement Programme"
A lot of things happened in these past few days that has spurred a lot of thoughts... One things that shocked me today was getting the news from glen about a person's death... He committed suicide this morning and was found by his parents at the foot of his flat... He is just a person who i know but it still shook me quite a bit... What would have driven a person to take his own life? I believe it takes a lot of courage for one to take their own life... Its either that or it is just a call of desperation... Life is really too short and too precious to end it just like that... One should just take whatever that comes their way, regardless of whether it is good or bad...
Just had a really interesting conversation with glen on the phone... Had to type this down before i lose my train of thought...
These are my confessions.
I just realized that i am a person with a lot of flaws... How ironic is it when i spend most of my time trying to be as perfect as i can be... I am a perfectionist to the point that it drives myself insane, i believe it drives my friends insane as well... I am so ambitious to the point that it scares people away... I am so independent to the point where i think it make others think that i do not need them...Yes... I am self-centred... After such a long time, i realized that i am self-centred... It has always been about me. I barely think about others... I have always been planning about my future that i forget the fact that the things that make up my future is not just myself, or my future career but my friends and my family... They are the people that makes my future a future to look forward to, they are the ones that matters... I finally have the guts to admit that i am afraid of a lot of things... I am a person with plenty of flaws... And i am proud of it... Everybody has flaws and i am not the only one, so there is nothing wrong with it. :>
And hence the title for my entry... I will improve myself! I will make a conscious effort to not be self-centred... I will learn to take life easy and stop being so uptight about things... I am going to be less independent, i.e. i am going to relax and not try to do everything on my own... I am for once, going to be dependent on people! On appropriate situations of course but i am going to be dependent, in a good way!
i have to thank glen for being so honest with me... :> Not a lot of people are... Except for 2 of my best friends & a few other friends. I guess they are afraid of pissing me off... haha. And glen, thanks for that offer... But i hope you and i will never have the chance to take that up... :> It did made me feel a little pathetic but it was sweet of you to offer (kinda self-sacrificial) but nonetheless sweet... :p oh!& feel free to remind me if i am back to my old self again... You are afterall the one of the rare few who "inspired" me to change for the better. :> ( i bet your ego is getting really big right now... :p)
This is going to be a long process and i hope that i succeed in improving myself. :>
Just had a really interesting conversation with glen on the phone... Had to type this down before i lose my train of thought...
These are my confessions.
I just realized that i am a person with a lot of flaws... How ironic is it when i spend most of my time trying to be as perfect as i can be... I am a perfectionist to the point that it drives myself insane, i believe it drives my friends insane as well... I am so ambitious to the point that it scares people away... I am so independent to the point where i think it make others think that i do not need them...Yes... I am self-centred... After such a long time, i realized that i am self-centred... It has always been about me. I barely think about others... I have always been planning about my future that i forget the fact that the things that make up my future is not just myself, or my future career but my friends and my family... They are the people that makes my future a future to look forward to, they are the ones that matters... I finally have the guts to admit that i am afraid of a lot of things... I am a person with plenty of flaws... And i am proud of it... Everybody has flaws and i am not the only one, so there is nothing wrong with it. :>
And hence the title for my entry... I will improve myself! I will make a conscious effort to not be self-centred... I will learn to take life easy and stop being so uptight about things... I am going to be less independent, i.e. i am going to relax and not try to do everything on my own... I am for once, going to be dependent on people! On appropriate situations of course but i am going to be dependent, in a good way!
i have to thank glen for being so honest with me... :> Not a lot of people are... Except for 2 of my best friends & a few other friends. I guess they are afraid of pissing me off... haha. And glen, thanks for that offer... But i hope you and i will never have the chance to take that up... :> It did made me feel a little pathetic but it was sweet of you to offer (kinda self-sacrificial) but nonetheless sweet... :p oh!& feel free to remind me if i am back to my old self again... You are afterall the one of the rare few who "inspired" me to change for the better. :> ( i bet your ego is getting really big right now... :p)
This is going to be a long process and i hope that i succeed in improving myself. :>
posted by JESS at 12:21 PM
5 Comments:
I guess most of the time I am very honest with you sweets. But there are some things I did not want to tell you because I was afraid you might get hurt. But I really have to agree 'Yes... I am self-centred... After such a long time, i realized that i am self-centred... It has always been about me.' TO a certain extent. Coincidentally, that is what I have been thinking these past few days b4 i read this.
I guess you and i just need reminders from our friends to realize the mistakes that we have been making all along... But as long as we are aware of it and make an effort to change, all's still good. :>
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Okok, some error posting the previous comment. *Sorry sorry*
Ok, I maybe blunt @ times towards U & Fen but I know U all know I mean good. It's always a good point 2 understand thysef better. Thus... Im proud of U !!! ^_^
eee.. er... I don't know if I interpreted it wrongly. But, Anyway, i was trying to mean... I agree with you saying.. "'Yes... I am self-centred... After such a long time, i realized that i am self-centred... It has always been about me"
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